Every year I lay out New Year’s resolutions with my two brothers and my dad. The format has evolved from an in-person meeting with an agenda to a shared Google Doc with categories like “Financial, Spiritual, Family, Fitness” to its current iteration, which might just be a casual chat over breakfast with one of them. In previous years, we’ve committed to running a 10k together, starting a book club, working on certain aspects of our relationships, etc. It was in one of these conversations that I committed to asking Andrea to marry me.

The cliche’ is not lost on me; it’s the stuff of a Tony Robbins book or an Oprah special, or one of my favorite passages in The Great Gatsby which describes Gatsby’s self-improvement plan as a young man:

“Rise from bed; Dumbbell exercise and wall-scaling; Study electricity; Work; Baseball and sports; Practice elocution, poise, and how to attain it; Study needed inventions; No wasting time at Shafters; No more smoking or chewing; Bath every other day; Read one improving book or magazine per week; Save $5.00 $3.00 per week; Be better to parents.”

Unlike Gatsby, who kept these in a journal, I always make the mistake of sharing my resolutions with friends, who remind me that I do this every year (and fail every year). I subsequently prove them right, only to do the same thing the following year.

Recently I’ve gotten away from goals, per se’, and now think of New Year’s resolutions as systems. The essential question: what systems can I enact to improve my life and the life of those I care about? So instead of, “I’ll be 180 pounds by March 1st, it’s “I’ll exercise four mornings a week.” That way the focus is not on the result, but on the process.

My brother David uses another word: practice. Practice is something you do almost every day without having to think about it. In this case, we’re talking about good practices. Sports betting or drinking whiskey don’t count. It’s got to be something that is, on balance, beneficial.

I’ve never been a very disciplined person but I do have a regular practice of reading every day. I no longer have to plan for it or think about it. It’s become as automatic as brushing my teeth. I’ve recently begun a regular practice of morning exercise, cemented only because of a regular practice of eating a breakfast burrito immediately afterward. It’s not automatic yet; in fact some days it’s excruciating, but I keep reminding myself that reading and brushing my teeth once felt that way.

I’ve read all the books about this stuff, by the way: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Power of Habit, Atomic Habits. I recommend all of them. But you know when it sticks? When a friend or family member tells me about how a habit has changed their life. Or better yet, when I practice with them. Last week I visited my David in Boulder, and when he served me a bowl of oatmeal with bananas, almonds, and chia seeds I thought: “this is probably a better way to start my day than a sausage-egg-and-cheese burrito.” And so for 2024, that’s my new practice: oatmeal over burrito–a far cry from what I committed to in 2009.

I don’t want to be one of those guys preaching about how he’s found this new workout or diet or book that’s changed his life. Those guys are insufferable; I know because I’ve been one. And I don’t think setting yearly goals is the secret to a full life. After all, Jay Gatsby ended up shot dead in his own swimming pool.

But I am interested in what practices others have adopted for the better. Maybe it’s as simple as making your wife coffee every morning, or reading to your kids at night, or drinking fish oil at lunch.

I want to know, from you:

What is one thing you do regularly that has made a positive change in your life and/or the lives of those in your circle?

Just respond to this email so I can benefit or, better yet, respond with a comment so we can all benefit.